1 00:00:02,350 --> 00:00:03,612 - A long time ago... 2 00:00:03,655 --> 00:00:07,224 In a galaxy far, far away... 3 00:00:07,268 --> 00:00:08,269 - What are you talking about? 4 00:00:08,312 --> 00:00:10,053 - Well, uh, it's the-- 5 00:00:10,097 --> 00:00:11,446 From the beginning of star wars. 6 00:00:11,489 --> 00:00:13,361 - But this is a show about christmas. 7 00:00:13,404 --> 00:00:15,189 It's not about space. 8 00:00:15,232 --> 00:00:17,626 - They have christmas in space. 9 00:00:17,669 --> 00:00:20,455 - ♪ let it snow, let it snow, let it snow ♪ 10 00:00:20,498 --> 00:00:22,065 - Oh! 11 00:00:22,109 --> 00:00:23,719 - Whoo! - Whoo! 12 00:00:23,762 --> 00:00:25,373 - Ooh, that's cold. - Yeah. 13 00:00:25,416 --> 00:00:29,246 - Oh, why can't they just put the Warehouse in, like, maui? 14 00:00:29,290 --> 00:00:31,292 - Really? Because I love winter! 15 00:00:31,335 --> 00:00:33,337 I love snowmobiling and snowball fights 16 00:00:33,381 --> 00:00:35,165 And, ooh, and hot apple cider! 17 00:00:35,209 --> 00:00:37,254 - Yeah, that's 'cause you're from, like, the rockies. 18 00:00:37,298 --> 00:00:39,865 There's no air up there. Your brain--not normal. 19 00:00:39,909 --> 00:00:42,651 - Really? This from a man who giggles at "grand tetons." 20 00:00:42,694 --> 00:00:45,045 - You know what that means in french, don't you? 21 00:00:45,088 --> 00:00:46,394 Oh! 22 00:00:46,437 --> 00:00:48,135 - [laughs] 23 00:00:48,178 --> 00:00:50,876 - [laughs] oh! - [snorts and laughs] 24 00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:54,358 Ooh! Ooh, it's down my back! 25 00:00:54,402 --> 00:00:55,968 Oh, who's-- okay, very funny. 26 00:00:56,012 --> 00:00:57,840 Who's the child now? - Ooh! 27 00:00:57,883 --> 00:00:59,450 - There's bombs around here, you know. 28 00:00:59,494 --> 00:01:02,323 You could damage my tympanic membrane. 29 00:01:02,366 --> 00:01:04,325 - It had, like, an arc. It wasn't even a-- 30 00:01:04,368 --> 00:01:06,762 - ♪ sounds of the season, now ring it all in ♪ 31 00:01:06,805 --> 00:01:09,504 - Okay, now this is awesome! 32 00:01:09,547 --> 00:01:11,375 - Jingle, jingle! 33 00:01:11,419 --> 00:01:14,422 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 34 00:01:14,465 --> 00:01:15,423 Mmm! 35 00:01:15,466 --> 00:01:19,818 - Marshmallow! Good job! 36 00:01:19,862 --> 00:01:21,472 - Artifacty "swiss-miss-hap." 37 00:01:21,516 --> 00:01:22,908 Tasty blizzard in a cup! 38 00:01:22,952 --> 00:01:28,479 - Hey, claude, so what's with the twinkle lights? 39 00:01:28,523 --> 00:01:32,092 - God bless us, everyone. 40 00:01:32,135 --> 00:01:35,138 - And in this corner, weighing in at a hulking 200 pounds, 41 00:01:35,182 --> 00:01:37,140 Would be Joshua Donovan, hanging the gloves 42 00:01:37,184 --> 00:01:40,056 That ali wore against foreman in the rumble in the jungle. 43 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,797 - Hey, josh. - Hey. 44 00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:43,233 - All right, so what do those do? 45 00:01:43,277 --> 00:01:45,061 - Oh, they make you see stars without hitting you. 46 00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:48,151 - Myka! That's the original mistletoe. 47 00:01:48,195 --> 00:01:50,980 Ahem! It is rather strong. 48 00:01:51,023 --> 00:01:53,243 - [kissing sound] tetons. 49 00:01:53,287 --> 00:01:54,331 - That has to come down. 50 00:01:54,375 --> 00:01:56,072 - I will get that. 51 00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:59,423 - So guys, this is the first time in ever I actually have 52 00:01:59,467 --> 00:02:01,295 People in my life to spend the holidays with. 53 00:02:01,338 --> 00:02:03,427 Figured we'd circle the yule log and eat figgy pudding. 54 00:02:03,471 --> 00:02:05,342 - Oh. Wow. - It's awkward. 55 00:02:05,386 --> 00:02:06,604 - What? Why? 56 00:02:06,648 --> 00:02:09,303 - Pete and I are going home for christmas. 57 00:02:09,346 --> 00:02:10,391 - Sorry, claude. 58 00:02:10,434 --> 00:02:12,958 - Aw, well, I guess it's all right. 59 00:02:13,002 --> 00:02:15,265 Joshua and I will just hang with Artie claus. 60 00:02:15,309 --> 00:02:19,487 - What have you done to my office? 61 00:02:19,530 --> 00:02:21,880 - I got you something very special, 62 00:02:21,924 --> 00:02:24,796 And I think you're gonna love it. 63 00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:26,276 - [groans] why? 64 00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:28,539 - It's called a present. - [grunts] 65 00:02:28,583 --> 00:02:30,280 - You're familiar with presents, right? 66 00:02:30,324 --> 00:02:31,542 We earthlings exchange them 67 00:02:31,586 --> 00:02:33,588 As a sign of affection and gratitude. 68 00:02:33,631 --> 00:02:35,242 - No, no. Thank you but no thank you. 69 00:02:35,285 --> 00:02:38,506 - Artie, it's a gift. Take it. 70 00:02:38,549 --> 00:02:40,638 - Yeah, come on, Artie. Ho ho ho. 71 00:02:40,682 --> 00:02:43,293 - All right, look, could we just stop all this merriment? 72 00:02:43,337 --> 00:02:46,035 Come on, some of these are dangerous arti--artif-- 73 00:02:46,078 --> 00:02:47,863 [groans] 74 00:02:47,906 --> 00:02:50,909 This is not the holiday counter at woolworth's! 75 00:02:54,086 --> 00:02:57,568 - Oh, my-- [groans] 76 00:02:59,396 --> 00:03:01,181 - Uhh! You see what I mean? 77 00:03:01,224 --> 00:03:02,399 [thud] 78 00:03:02,443 --> 00:03:03,922 - Ow. 79 00:03:03,966 --> 00:03:06,273 [both laugh] 80 00:03:06,316 --> 00:03:07,491 - Take it all down! 81 00:03:07,535 --> 00:03:09,406 ♪ 82 00:03:09,450 --> 00:03:10,886 ♪ mama claus said santa 83 00:03:10,929 --> 00:03:14,716 ♪ why do you look so down? ♪ 84 00:03:14,759 --> 00:03:16,413 ♪ christmas is a-comin' 85 00:03:16,457 --> 00:03:19,982 ♪ and you just been poutin' around ♪ 86 00:03:20,025 --> 00:03:22,332 - Oh, and dad, I almost forgot to tell you! 87 00:03:22,376 --> 00:03:24,465 Today at school, we had a secret santa, 88 00:03:24,508 --> 00:03:26,771 And this boy, matthew, he got me a phone case. 89 00:03:26,815 --> 00:03:28,295 He's never even said hi to me, 90 00:03:28,338 --> 00:03:29,687 But he knew my favorite color, 91 00:03:29,731 --> 00:03:31,602 So I might have to give him a second look. 92 00:03:31,646 --> 00:03:34,649 - That sounds awesome. 93 00:03:34,692 --> 00:03:37,304 - [sighs] dad, you're working again. 94 00:03:37,347 --> 00:03:39,741 - Oh, um, yeah. Sorry, honey. 95 00:03:39,784 --> 00:03:41,482 - That's rude, you know. 96 00:03:41,525 --> 00:03:42,831 - I'm all yours now, okay? 97 00:03:42,874 --> 00:03:45,312 - Mom's right, you don't listen when women talk. 98 00:03:45,355 --> 00:03:47,227 - Oh, yikes. When did you turn into a woman? 99 00:03:47,270 --> 00:03:49,011 - Well, I'm almost at the decade mark. 100 00:03:49,054 --> 00:03:50,969 That's a lot of life experience, you know. 101 00:03:51,013 --> 00:03:52,406 - Mm-hmm, yes. I guess you're right. 102 00:03:52,449 --> 00:03:53,711 I'm gonna have to keep up. 103 00:03:53,755 --> 00:03:55,583 - Hey, why didn't you make the tree trimming? 104 00:03:55,626 --> 00:03:57,280 Mom said you promised. 105 00:03:57,324 --> 00:03:59,500 - Well, sometimes mom makes things up 106 00:03:59,543 --> 00:04:02,503 Because she's mad at me, but, I mean, 107 00:04:02,546 --> 00:04:04,069 She knew I couldn't make it this week. 108 00:04:04,113 --> 00:04:05,375 I'm up against all these deadlines 109 00:04:05,419 --> 00:04:06,420 At the new mall, honey. 110 00:04:06,463 --> 00:04:09,988 I--I--I'm sorry, kiddo. I'm sorry. 111 00:04:10,032 --> 00:04:11,381 - It's okay. 112 00:04:11,425 --> 00:04:13,427 - Now, you tell this boy matthew 113 00:04:13,470 --> 00:04:15,298 That your daddy's got a shotgun, okay? 114 00:04:15,342 --> 00:04:17,431 And I will be wanting to meet him soon. 115 00:04:17,474 --> 00:04:19,389 - Oh, dad, don't you dare! 116 00:04:19,433 --> 00:04:23,132 - See? I was listening the whole time. 117 00:04:23,175 --> 00:04:24,307 I love you, sweetheart. 118 00:04:24,351 --> 00:04:25,352 - Love you too, dad. 119 00:04:25,395 --> 00:04:27,310 - Mwah! 120 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:34,535 [muffled thud] 121 00:04:37,842 --> 00:04:40,149 [thuds] 122 00:04:40,192 --> 00:04:43,195 - Somebody there? 123 00:04:50,333 --> 00:04:52,509 [thud] 124 00:05:00,561 --> 00:05:02,040 [bang] 125 00:05:02,084 --> 00:05:06,088 [footsteps] 126 00:05:10,397 --> 00:05:12,355 [shattering glass] 127 00:05:13,965 --> 00:05:15,358 - Hey! 128 00:05:15,402 --> 00:05:17,534 What--what--what-- what the hell? 129 00:05:17,578 --> 00:05:19,623 What are you-- what are you-- 130 00:05:19,667 --> 00:05:21,321 Aah! [gunshot] 131 00:05:21,364 --> 00:05:22,496 Oh, je-- 132 00:05:22,539 --> 00:05:23,801 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! 133 00:05:23,845 --> 00:05:26,369 [shattering glass] No! Please, stop! 134 00:05:26,413 --> 00:05:28,066 [dog barking] 135 00:05:29,459 --> 00:05:31,418 No, no, no! [porcelain breaking] 136 00:05:35,944 --> 00:05:38,033 - Ho ho ho! 137 00:05:44,474 --> 00:05:47,477 [scraping] 138 00:05:59,446 --> 00:06:02,013 - Oh, but colorado springs has this great light show. 139 00:06:02,057 --> 00:06:04,407 - Ah, north canton has the pro football hall of fame, 140 00:06:04,451 --> 00:06:05,756 The hoover vacuum cleaner. 141 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:07,323 - That's not even-- - Cancel your flights. 142 00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,064 All trips are off. - What? 143 00:06:09,107 --> 00:06:10,457 Artie, are you kidding me? - Artie, it's christmas. 144 00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:12,415 - We've got a case. - [sighs] 145 00:06:12,459 --> 00:06:16,376 - Well, are you sure that it's one of ours? 146 00:06:16,419 --> 00:06:19,422 - Well, let's see. Home invasion. 147 00:06:19,466 --> 00:06:22,164 The victim reported-- reluctantly-- 148 00:06:22,207 --> 00:06:23,948 That the intruder, and I quote, 149 00:06:23,992 --> 00:06:27,430 "flew around the room in a cloud of light, 150 00:06:27,474 --> 00:06:29,780 Then disappeared up the chimney." 151 00:06:29,824 --> 00:06:34,437 And this is the police sketch. 152 00:06:34,481 --> 00:06:36,613 - No. 153 00:06:36,657 --> 00:06:39,442 - You have got to be kidding. 154 00:06:39,486 --> 00:06:42,750 [dogs barking to jingle bells] 155 00:06:42,793 --> 00:06:47,711 [joy to the world played on sleigh bells] 156 00:06:47,755 --> 00:06:50,714 [Warehouse 13 theme] 157 00:06:50,758 --> 00:06:58,374 ♪ 158 00:07:19,090 --> 00:07:20,178 [upbeat music playing] 159 00:07:20,222 --> 00:07:21,353 - Poor Artie. 160 00:07:21,397 --> 00:07:23,225 Must be exhausting to be that grouchy 161 00:07:23,268 --> 00:07:24,400 Without even time off for the holidays. 162 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:25,923 - You think he was like that as a kid? 163 00:07:25,967 --> 00:07:28,796 - Whoa. I've never actually pictured Artie as a child. 164 00:07:28,839 --> 00:07:30,885 It's disturbing. - Yeah, it is. 165 00:07:30,928 --> 00:07:32,756 - Wait, haven't I ever showed you this? 166 00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:35,585 - Oh, my god. Look at that. 167 00:07:35,629 --> 00:07:37,152 He even looks happy. 168 00:07:37,195 --> 00:07:39,110 Think he came out of the womb with those eyebrows? 169 00:07:39,154 --> 00:07:41,156 - He once told me that sitting at that piano 170 00:07:41,199 --> 00:07:43,419 Was his favorite place in the entire world. 171 00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:45,247 - Wait, Artie plays? - Yeah. 172 00:07:45,290 --> 00:07:46,640 - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 173 00:07:46,683 --> 00:07:48,380 His dad was a professional musician or something? 174 00:07:48,424 --> 00:07:50,078 - Taught composition at temple. 175 00:07:50,121 --> 00:07:51,296 Sent Artie to juilliard. 176 00:07:51,340 --> 00:07:53,864 But when he went to go work for the nsa, 177 00:07:53,908 --> 00:07:56,040 His dad never talked to him again. 178 00:07:56,084 --> 00:07:57,302 - So how do we put that face 179 00:07:57,346 --> 00:07:59,130 Back on ol' crabby mcgrumpy pants? 180 00:07:59,174 --> 00:08:01,742 - "gluckklavier?" "gluckklavier." 181 00:08:01,785 --> 00:08:03,308 - Glue what to what? 182 00:08:03,352 --> 00:08:04,527 - Oh, it's the make of the piano. 183 00:08:04,571 --> 00:08:06,529 Picked up a little german at cern. 184 00:08:06,573 --> 00:08:08,183 Never heard of gluckklavier, though. 185 00:08:08,226 --> 00:08:11,012 - Bro, you're a genius! We'll find it. 186 00:08:11,055 --> 00:08:12,579 - danke. find what? 187 00:08:12,622 --> 00:08:14,494 - This piano! Artie's favorite place! 188 00:08:14,537 --> 00:08:17,148 - The actual piano? Claudia, how? 189 00:08:17,192 --> 00:08:19,194 - We're in the object finding business. 190 00:08:19,237 --> 00:08:20,543 Artie grew up in philly, right? 191 00:08:20,587 --> 00:08:22,327 So, we'll start by calling piano tuners. 192 00:08:22,371 --> 00:08:24,678 Figure out who worked on gloocky-glockenshpielers. 193 00:08:24,721 --> 00:08:25,896 - What are you gonna do? 194 00:08:25,940 --> 00:08:27,681 Search every piano tuner in philadelphia? 195 00:08:27,724 --> 00:08:29,247 - How many can there be? 196 00:08:29,291 --> 00:08:34,078 - Well, from the combined 215 and 610 area codes, 197 00:08:34,122 --> 00:08:36,428 486. 198 00:08:36,472 --> 00:08:39,301 - So we'll split 'em up. Come on, guys! 199 00:08:39,344 --> 00:08:41,651 Worst case scenario, we rack up a mondo phone bill. 200 00:08:41,695 --> 00:08:44,175 But if we succeed, we give Artie 201 00:08:44,219 --> 00:08:47,048 The most awesome present ever! 202 00:08:47,091 --> 00:08:50,225 - ♪ well it's a california christmas ♪ 203 00:08:50,268 --> 00:08:54,708 ♪ and it's the best time of the year ♪ 204 00:08:54,751 --> 00:08:56,710 - Entry key pad, motion sensors-- 205 00:08:56,753 --> 00:08:57,972 None of it was triggered. 206 00:08:58,015 --> 00:09:00,627 - And you say he left through the chimney? 207 00:09:00,670 --> 00:09:02,411 - Look, I've already entertained the lapd 208 00:09:02,454 --> 00:09:05,240 For an hour, and they stared at me like I was a nutjob. 209 00:09:05,283 --> 00:09:06,371 Is there any reason 210 00:09:06,415 --> 00:09:07,503 Why the secret service needs an encore? 211 00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:08,330 - We wouldn't be here if we thought 212 00:09:08,373 --> 00:09:09,679 You were crazy, mr. Newley. 213 00:09:09,723 --> 00:09:12,421 - Uhh! It's pretty narrow to climb. 214 00:09:12,464 --> 00:09:17,208 And I'm guessing santa's, you know, bowl full o' jelly-- 215 00:09:17,252 --> 00:09:19,384 - No, he didn't climb up there. He... 216 00:09:19,428 --> 00:09:21,865 He whooshed. 217 00:09:21,909 --> 00:09:22,953 And twinkled. 218 00:09:22,997 --> 00:09:25,521 - Whooshed and twinkled. 219 00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:27,697 That definitely sounds like someone's using something. 220 00:09:27,741 --> 00:09:30,047 - Yeah. - Absolutely not. 221 00:09:30,091 --> 00:09:31,745 I will take a drug test. I will prove it to you. 222 00:09:31,788 --> 00:09:34,138 - No, no, no, no. That's not what he meant. 223 00:09:34,182 --> 00:09:35,662 - Believe me, guy, you're lucky. 224 00:09:35,705 --> 00:09:37,054 A whoosh and a twinkle is a lot better 225 00:09:37,098 --> 00:09:38,621 Than a sizzle and a splat, 226 00:09:38,665 --> 00:09:41,450 Or even worse, a zzz-zap and ker-chow! 227 00:09:41,493 --> 00:09:44,061 - Pete. 228 00:09:44,105 --> 00:09:48,065 - Okay, so, mr. Newley, do you have any, uh, enemies? 229 00:09:48,109 --> 00:09:50,764 - Well, I'm rich, I'm successful, I'm thin. 230 00:09:50,807 --> 00:09:53,157 That usually pisses somebody off. 231 00:09:53,201 --> 00:09:55,290 - No, I meant someone with a motive. 232 00:09:55,333 --> 00:09:58,249 It says here that you're starting demolition 233 00:09:58,293 --> 00:09:59,990 On a new shopping mall. 234 00:10:00,034 --> 00:10:01,470 Is there anyone being evicted? 235 00:10:01,513 --> 00:10:03,037 - There's just some junky old shops 236 00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:04,647 That nobody ever goes to. 237 00:10:04,691 --> 00:10:07,345 And one guy's pretty cheesed, but, you know, it happens. 238 00:10:07,389 --> 00:10:09,391 - Sounds motivational. 239 00:10:09,434 --> 00:10:11,001 - Let's go talk to him. - Let's. 240 00:10:11,045 --> 00:10:12,002 - Mm-hmm. - Now? 241 00:10:12,046 --> 00:10:13,003 - Yes. - Yeah. 242 00:10:13,047 --> 00:10:14,048 - Oh! 243 00:10:17,791 --> 00:10:19,575 [flatulence sound effect] 244 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,011 [laughter] 245 00:10:21,055 --> 00:10:22,839 - Now remember, just slide it under your uncle's butt 246 00:10:22,883 --> 00:10:24,188 Just before he sits down. 247 00:10:24,232 --> 00:10:26,277 It'll be hilarious. 248 00:10:26,321 --> 00:10:27,322 All right, have fun. 249 00:10:27,365 --> 00:10:30,064 Oh, great. What's this? 250 00:10:30,107 --> 00:10:32,414 You got some fancy lawyers with you this time, newley? 251 00:10:32,457 --> 00:10:34,024 - Someone attacked my home. 252 00:10:34,068 --> 00:10:35,896 Mr. Wilkie, secret service. 253 00:10:35,939 --> 00:10:37,680 - Oh, well, aren't we important? 254 00:10:37,724 --> 00:10:40,074 Look, if you find the guy, send me his name, okay? 255 00:10:40,117 --> 00:10:42,076 I'll send him over one of my best rubber chickens. 256 00:10:42,119 --> 00:10:44,121 - Very funny. Where's the rest of the santa suit? 257 00:10:44,165 --> 00:10:45,688 - What is that, a fat joke? 258 00:10:45,732 --> 00:10:46,994 - Where were you two nights ago? 259 00:10:47,037 --> 00:10:49,170 - I was right here, surfing job web sites. 260 00:10:49,213 --> 00:10:51,563 Don't know if you heard, but I'm getting put out of business. 261 00:10:51,607 --> 00:10:53,565 - If you or any of the others have any complaints, 262 00:10:53,609 --> 00:10:55,393 Please just take it up with my office. 263 00:10:55,437 --> 00:10:58,179 I am giving you way more than this place is worth. 264 00:10:58,222 --> 00:11:00,224 - My father built this place! 265 00:11:00,268 --> 00:11:01,791 Keep your money! 266 00:11:01,835 --> 00:11:04,141 Nobody wants another mall. 267 00:11:04,185 --> 00:11:06,143 - Mr. Wilkie, stores like this are going extinct. 268 00:11:06,187 --> 00:11:09,190 Cash in while you can. 269 00:11:12,236 --> 00:11:17,502 Right after new year's, this whole block comes down. 270 00:11:18,721 --> 00:11:19,679 [door slams] 271 00:11:19,722 --> 00:11:20,680 - Pete. 272 00:11:20,723 --> 00:11:24,205 - Ah cha chadda cha cha! 273 00:11:24,248 --> 00:11:26,337 - Pete, please don't. 274 00:11:26,381 --> 00:11:28,905 - What? Stocking stuffers. 275 00:11:28,949 --> 00:11:31,212 My kid sister loves these things. 276 00:11:31,255 --> 00:11:33,780 - The man's insane. He sells plastic vomit. 277 00:11:33,823 --> 00:11:36,478 - I love that stuff. I should have bought some. 278 00:11:36,521 --> 00:11:38,654 - But evicting him after new year's? 279 00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:40,874 Not exactly in the holiday spirit. 280 00:11:40,917 --> 00:11:43,006 - Did I mention that we're paying him? 281 00:11:43,050 --> 00:11:45,269 And what has more holiday spirit than a mall? 282 00:11:45,313 --> 00:11:48,185 I mean, people go to my malls to celebrate christmas! 283 00:11:48,229 --> 00:11:50,840 We have santa's villages, huge trees. 284 00:11:50,884 --> 00:11:53,016 When was the last time you were in a mom and pop store? 285 00:11:53,060 --> 00:11:56,628 - I grew up in a mom and pop store. 286 00:11:56,672 --> 00:11:59,196 - Okay. You know I'm right, then. 287 00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:00,676 God, I thought my staff were in 288 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:04,158 For at least half a day today. 289 00:12:07,248 --> 00:12:12,209 - Pete, what is that? 290 00:12:21,131 --> 00:12:22,480 - That just happened, right? 291 00:12:22,524 --> 00:12:23,743 - It's going after newley. 292 00:12:23,786 --> 00:12:26,615 - [screaming] 293 00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:32,621 - Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! 294 00:12:32,664 --> 00:12:34,754 - Aah! Aah! 295 00:12:34,797 --> 00:12:36,190 Okay, this is happening, right? 296 00:12:36,233 --> 00:12:37,713 Do you see this? This is happening. 297 00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:39,019 - Yeah. - Yeah. 298 00:12:39,062 --> 00:12:40,063 Yes! - Yes. 299 00:12:40,107 --> 00:12:43,110 - Oh! - [panting] 300 00:12:43,153 --> 00:12:44,851 Aah! 301 00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:58,212 - I've been watching you, larry noodle, 302 00:12:58,255 --> 00:13:02,129 And I'm very disappointed! 303 00:13:02,172 --> 00:13:08,135 You're not being the man that they deserve! 304 00:13:08,178 --> 00:13:11,399 These are not what's important! 305 00:13:11,442 --> 00:13:13,618 [clatter] 306 00:13:13,662 --> 00:13:17,144 - You seriously pissed that guy off. 307 00:13:17,187 --> 00:13:18,536 - Time's running out! 308 00:13:18,580 --> 00:13:23,759 Fix your life, or I'm gonna take it from you! 309 00:13:25,065 --> 00:13:28,155 - Good-bye, larry noodle! 310 00:13:31,158 --> 00:13:32,507 - That was whooshing. - And twinkling. 311 00:13:32,550 --> 00:13:33,769 - And a little ker-chow. 312 00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:35,205 - Oh, my god. 313 00:13:35,249 --> 00:13:36,903 Larry noodle? 314 00:13:36,946 --> 00:13:39,166 No one's called me that since I was a kid. 315 00:13:39,209 --> 00:13:44,954 - Myka...Myka, is it-- is it possible 316 00:13:44,998 --> 00:13:47,914 That--that we saw the actual, real life-- 317 00:13:47,957 --> 00:13:50,133 - Don't! No! 318 00:13:50,177 --> 00:13:53,267 - Santa? 319 00:13:59,534 --> 00:14:01,971 - Artie, is it-- is it possible that-- 320 00:14:02,015 --> 00:14:04,191 - That yes, virginia, there really is a santa claus? 321 00:14:04,234 --> 00:14:06,933 - The dude enters and exits through chimneys! 322 00:14:06,976 --> 00:14:09,326 He travels across the room as fairy dust. 323 00:14:09,370 --> 00:14:14,027 Look, Artie, this was the real santa, okay? 324 00:14:14,070 --> 00:14:15,071 Oh, and by the way, 325 00:14:15,115 --> 00:14:18,770 Be nice, because santa is bad-ass. 326 00:14:18,814 --> 00:14:20,903 - There really was a saint nicholas 327 00:14:20,947 --> 00:14:22,862 In fourth century turkey, 328 00:14:22,905 --> 00:14:26,691 And he was known to have put coins in people's shoes. 329 00:14:26,735 --> 00:14:28,998 - Real santa! Excellent! You know, I knew it! 330 00:14:29,042 --> 00:14:31,087 Seriously, it explains so much. 331 00:14:31,131 --> 00:14:32,175 - You're making a christmas list 332 00:14:32,219 --> 00:14:33,437 In your head right now, aren't you? 333 00:14:33,481 --> 00:14:34,482 - Maybe. 334 00:14:34,525 --> 00:14:36,614 - He threatened newley's life. 335 00:14:36,658 --> 00:14:38,312 - Well, the guy is a bit of a tool. 336 00:14:38,355 --> 00:14:40,009 - Artie, is it possible that someone maybe 337 00:14:40,053 --> 00:14:43,883 Has an artifact that lets them take the form of santa? 338 00:14:43,926 --> 00:14:47,843 - Well, there are other christmas legends, 339 00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:51,151 Um, involving darker, imp-like spirits. 340 00:14:51,194 --> 00:14:57,157 Like, that was krampus, and there's also black peter. 341 00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:59,942 There are more. I'll keep doing the research. 342 00:14:59,986 --> 00:15:02,902 - Artie, where's Claudia? - My own dark imp? 343 00:15:02,945 --> 00:15:04,120 Yeah, I suspect she's off 344 00:15:04,164 --> 00:15:06,731 Plotting another holiday surprise. 345 00:15:06,775 --> 00:15:09,299 - Too busy making money to keep a promise to your daughter? 346 00:15:09,343 --> 00:15:11,649 - Now is not a good time, lila. 347 00:15:11,693 --> 00:15:12,955 - You said that you were gonna decorate the tree! 348 00:15:12,999 --> 00:15:14,914 - I never said that, okay? 349 00:15:14,957 --> 00:15:16,263 And listen, by the way, I sent over 350 00:15:16,306 --> 00:15:18,395 Some incredibly expensive antique ornaments. 351 00:15:18,439 --> 00:15:20,006 Did you even bother to give them to her? 352 00:15:20,049 --> 00:15:22,095 - Not really the same as her dad being here. 353 00:15:22,138 --> 00:15:24,924 - Look, I know my daughter, 354 00:15:24,967 --> 00:15:27,100 And I know that she happens to like things like that. 355 00:15:27,143 --> 00:15:29,537 She is an old soul. - And she's getting older! 356 00:15:29,580 --> 00:15:30,930 Another year gone by, larry. 357 00:15:30,973 --> 00:15:32,540 How many are you gonna miss? 358 00:15:32,583 --> 00:15:33,628 [phone beeps] 359 00:15:33,671 --> 00:15:34,629 [dial tone] 360 00:15:34,672 --> 00:15:36,892 [phone beeps] 361 00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:40,026 - I never made any promise. 362 00:15:40,069 --> 00:15:43,159 I'm buried with work. 363 00:15:43,203 --> 00:15:44,987 Anyway, if you'll excuse me, 364 00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:46,119 I, uh-- I have two meetings 365 00:15:46,162 --> 00:15:47,859 That I have to get to right away. 366 00:15:47,903 --> 00:15:50,036 - Why would she lie? - Well, she's my ex-wife. 367 00:15:50,079 --> 00:15:52,473 That's what she does. - She could be behind this. 368 00:15:52,516 --> 00:15:53,865 - I got a thought. 369 00:15:53,909 --> 00:15:55,867 Myks, why don't you go interview the ex? 370 00:15:55,911 --> 00:15:58,653 Big lar and I will spend some q-time with the daughter, huh? 371 00:15:58,696 --> 00:15:59,915 What do you say about that, huh? Come on. 372 00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,308 - Well-- - Cancel your meetings. 373 00:16:01,351 --> 00:16:03,136 Here we go. All right. Here we go. 374 00:16:03,179 --> 00:16:04,789 - I-- 375 00:16:04,833 --> 00:16:08,750 - Come on, I hear philadelphia is beautiful this time of year. 376 00:16:10,665 --> 00:16:14,625 - So, as it turns out, calling 486 piano tuners, 377 00:16:14,669 --> 00:16:16,236 Turns out it's harder to split three ways 378 00:16:16,279 --> 00:16:18,760 When only one of you can pronounce glucky, uh... 379 00:16:18,803 --> 00:16:19,848 Globben-killer... 380 00:16:19,891 --> 00:16:21,893 - Gluckklavier. - Yes. 381 00:16:21,937 --> 00:16:24,244 Anyway, so we were about to ditch the whole plan 382 00:16:24,287 --> 00:16:26,898 When one of them says that this gluckenthing 383 00:16:26,942 --> 00:16:29,075 Uses special tuning pins that are only made 384 00:16:29,118 --> 00:16:30,163 By this one company in germany, 385 00:16:30,206 --> 00:16:31,555 So my kinda-german-speaking brother 386 00:16:31,599 --> 00:16:33,427 Gets them on the horn, they narrow the list down 387 00:16:33,470 --> 00:16:34,863 To the couple of piano tuners in philly 388 00:16:34,906 --> 00:16:36,952 Who actually buy them, and here I am. 389 00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:38,301 - I can't imagine what's so special 390 00:16:38,345 --> 00:16:40,521 About an old piano gathering dust in a corner. 391 00:16:40,564 --> 00:16:41,696 Is there hidden treasure inside? 392 00:16:41,739 --> 00:16:43,045 - Doubtful. 393 00:16:43,089 --> 00:16:44,090 But stranger things... 394 00:16:44,133 --> 00:16:46,570 Let's see. 395 00:16:46,614 --> 00:16:49,791 Ha! Holy bah-humbug, Marley! 396 00:16:49,834 --> 00:16:51,836 - It's marla. - Right. I'm so sorry. 397 00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:53,882 Um, it's--wow. This is just Artie's-- 398 00:16:53,925 --> 00:16:55,710 It's my boss' initials. 399 00:16:55,753 --> 00:16:58,234 I can't believe this is really it. 400 00:16:58,278 --> 00:17:00,497 How much do you want for it? Please say not much. 401 00:17:00,541 --> 00:17:02,673 - Let me get mr. Weisfelt. He owns it, not the school. 402 00:17:02,717 --> 00:17:05,763 - Unbelievable. Bro, I found it. Yeah. 403 00:17:05,807 --> 00:17:07,678 Merion music school. Get your butt over here. 404 00:17:07,722 --> 00:17:08,940 Weisfelt? 405 00:17:08,984 --> 00:17:12,901 - You want to buy this piano? Why? 406 00:17:12,944 --> 00:17:14,294 - Claude? Are you still there? 407 00:17:14,337 --> 00:17:16,731 - Hmm? I--do you hear me? 408 00:17:16,774 --> 00:17:19,821 Do you wanna buy this piano? Why? 409 00:17:19,864 --> 00:17:23,042 - [clears throat] 410 00:17:23,085 --> 00:17:24,608 You're Artie's father. 411 00:17:24,652 --> 00:17:28,351 - What? Oh. I forgot I had these in. 412 00:17:28,395 --> 00:17:31,833 Hearing the little bastards bang out moonlight sonata-- 413 00:17:31,876 --> 00:17:34,836 No wonder beethoven went deaf. 414 00:17:34,879 --> 00:17:38,144 - Best christmas present ever. 415 00:17:44,889 --> 00:17:46,848 - I--I love fruitcake. 416 00:17:46,891 --> 00:17:48,458 - Here you go, daddy. 417 00:17:48,502 --> 00:17:49,981 - Thanks, honey. 418 00:17:50,025 --> 00:17:53,420 - Man, this looks... 419 00:18:02,907 --> 00:18:03,865 [tooth cracks] 420 00:18:03,908 --> 00:18:06,128 Ow. 421 00:18:06,172 --> 00:18:07,521 I mean... 422 00:18:07,564 --> 00:18:10,001 [british accent] 'ow delicious is this, lassie? 423 00:18:10,045 --> 00:18:13,048 [laughs] I love it, it's-- 424 00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:15,137 - Dude, it's not like I baked it. 425 00:18:15,181 --> 00:18:18,227 - Oh, thank god. 426 00:18:18,271 --> 00:18:20,099 - [laughs] 427 00:18:21,796 --> 00:18:24,407 - [laughs] 428 00:18:25,974 --> 00:18:30,152 - Oh, my god. We have the exact same ornament at my house. 429 00:18:30,196 --> 00:18:32,111 Christmas is a pretty big deal there too. 430 00:18:32,154 --> 00:18:34,025 - Kallie loves the old-fashioned ornaments. 431 00:18:34,069 --> 00:18:36,593 She and her father used to scour the swap meets. 432 00:18:36,637 --> 00:18:39,988 Back when larry didn't work every weekend. 433 00:18:40,031 --> 00:18:42,643 - Do you any idea who might be threatening him? 434 00:18:42,686 --> 00:18:46,647 I don't know-- maybe a new man in your life 435 00:18:46,690 --> 00:18:49,040 Who thinks he might be doing you a favor? 436 00:18:49,084 --> 00:18:52,087 - There's no one new. 437 00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:54,002 - Have ever heard anyone 438 00:18:54,045 --> 00:18:56,831 Refer to your ex-husband as "larry noodle"? 439 00:18:56,874 --> 00:19:01,444 - [laughs] wow. Larry noodle? 440 00:19:01,488 --> 00:19:04,186 I haven't heard that since he was a teenager. 441 00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:06,449 He hated that nickname. 442 00:19:06,493 --> 00:19:09,235 - So you guys have known each other for a really long time. 443 00:19:09,278 --> 00:19:10,932 - High school. - Wow. 444 00:19:10,975 --> 00:19:16,938 - Yeah. God, we were so happy when we had nothing. 445 00:19:16,981 --> 00:19:20,202 And then, the more successful he became, 446 00:19:20,246 --> 00:19:22,944 The more that that was the only thing that mattered. 447 00:19:22,987 --> 00:19:26,469 Larry noodle. I miss him. 448 00:19:26,513 --> 00:19:29,385 He was sweet. 449 00:19:29,429 --> 00:19:32,214 - No! Oh, no! Forget it! 450 00:19:32,258 --> 00:19:35,217 No, no, no! Excuse me. 451 00:19:35,261 --> 00:19:36,827 - Artie's father. - I can see it. 452 00:19:36,871 --> 00:19:38,307 - You have to come with me! He's your son! 453 00:19:38,351 --> 00:19:39,917 - My son! He disappeared! 454 00:19:39,961 --> 00:19:41,615 For years! Who does that? 455 00:19:41,658 --> 00:19:43,356 - Eh, it happens more often than you think. 456 00:19:43,399 --> 00:19:45,227 - Who the hell are you? - He had to change his name! 457 00:19:45,271 --> 00:19:46,663 Do you know he did that to protect you? 458 00:19:46,707 --> 00:19:47,838 - Yeah? From what? 459 00:19:47,882 --> 00:19:49,318 Oh, never mind, I don't wanna know! 460 00:19:49,362 --> 00:19:51,233 - He'll explain it to you. There's your ice-breaker! 461 00:19:51,277 --> 00:19:53,975 - My ice-breaker? How about I break his neck, huh? 462 00:19:54,018 --> 00:19:57,021 He wanted me to believe he's dead, so he's dead! 463 00:19:57,065 --> 00:19:59,807 - Not yet, but soon! 464 00:19:59,850 --> 00:20:03,027 He's dying. 465 00:20:03,071 --> 00:20:05,421 That's right. Artie's dying. 466 00:20:05,465 --> 00:20:09,033 I came here to beg you to see him, to say good-bye. 467 00:20:09,077 --> 00:20:12,472 To your son. Who's dying. 468 00:20:12,515 --> 00:20:16,258 - Claudia, you sure you should be telling him that? 469 00:20:16,302 --> 00:20:17,433 - Artie's dad deserves the truth. 470 00:20:17,477 --> 00:20:18,869 - Yeah, I agree. He does. 471 00:20:18,913 --> 00:20:20,784 But Artie might be a little angry-- 472 00:20:20,828 --> 00:20:21,959 - If I tell him everything? 473 00:20:22,003 --> 00:20:24,353 - You mean there's more? - Oh, yes. 474 00:20:24,397 --> 00:20:27,878 That Artie's too ashamed to call you himself. 475 00:20:27,922 --> 00:20:31,012 That he's gonna take that guilt to his grave. 476 00:20:31,055 --> 00:20:34,450 - Yeah, but--but he's-- - After he dies. 477 00:20:37,932 --> 00:20:42,763 - All right. All right, you wait here. 478 00:20:42,806 --> 00:20:44,678 And I'll come with you. 479 00:20:50,074 --> 00:20:53,077 - You are going to hell. - I know! 480 00:20:53,121 --> 00:20:56,559 - Kallie said you'd be out here. 481 00:20:56,603 --> 00:20:58,387 You just can't help yourself, can you? 482 00:20:58,431 --> 00:21:01,521 - I'm sorry, but I have contracts 483 00:21:01,564 --> 00:21:02,913 That I have to close today, 484 00:21:02,957 --> 00:21:04,654 Or else the whole deal falls through. 485 00:21:04,698 --> 00:21:06,352 I don't know about secret agents, 486 00:21:06,395 --> 00:21:08,049 But I can't just drop everything if I feel like it. 487 00:21:08,092 --> 00:21:09,964 - Oh, no, I can relate. 488 00:21:10,007 --> 00:21:12,923 I'm stuck here trying to save your ungrateful butt. 489 00:21:12,967 --> 00:21:14,534 - You think I worked this hard for myself? 490 00:21:14,577 --> 00:21:17,232 I want her to have what I didn't have. This is all for her. 491 00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:18,755 This is so kallie gets everything she wants. 492 00:21:18,799 --> 00:21:19,974 - Right. 493 00:21:20,017 --> 00:21:20,975 [whooshing] 494 00:21:23,934 --> 00:21:26,937 - Oh, god, no. Please, not again! 495 00:21:26,981 --> 00:21:28,025 [gasps] 496 00:21:28,069 --> 00:21:31,507 - I'm giving you every chance, larry! 497 00:21:31,551 --> 00:21:33,683 Every chance to make things right! 498 00:21:33,727 --> 00:21:35,076 - Okay, look, 499 00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:37,165 I don't know who the hell you think you are but-- 500 00:21:37,208 --> 00:21:39,994 Oh, my--aah! Aah! 501 00:21:40,037 --> 00:21:41,648 What is happening here? 502 00:21:41,691 --> 00:21:44,694 - Check on kallie and stay inside. 503 00:21:46,653 --> 00:21:49,830 - Oh, my god. 504 00:21:49,873 --> 00:21:51,527 - That happen a lot? 505 00:21:51,571 --> 00:21:53,834 - Change your ways by midnight, 506 00:21:53,877 --> 00:21:57,228 Or I'll turn you into the ghost of christmas past! 507 00:21:58,229 --> 00:22:01,232 [electrical buzz] 508 00:22:01,276 --> 00:22:02,973 - Okay, I'm officially scared now. 509 00:22:03,017 --> 00:22:04,845 Can you just please--what was the thing with my hand? 510 00:22:04,888 --> 00:22:06,803 - Pete, this isn't santa. 511 00:22:16,726 --> 00:22:19,076 - It's you. - Me? 512 00:22:19,120 --> 00:22:21,905 - Ho ho ho! 513 00:22:21,949 --> 00:22:23,385 [maniacal laughter] 514 00:22:23,429 --> 00:22:26,867 Tick-tock, larry noodle! Tick-tock! 515 00:22:29,696 --> 00:22:32,002 - [gasps] 516 00:22:32,046 --> 00:22:35,049 - Larry noodle disappears tonight! 517 00:22:35,092 --> 00:22:36,833 Aah! 518 00:22:45,712 --> 00:22:48,628 ♪ 519 00:22:48,671 --> 00:22:52,806 - ♪ it's beginning to look a lot like christmas ♪ 520 00:22:52,849 --> 00:22:56,026 ♪ everywhere you go 521 00:22:56,070 --> 00:22:58,507 ♪ take a look in the five and ten ♪ 522 00:22:58,551 --> 00:23:00,291 ♪ glistening once again 523 00:23:00,335 --> 00:23:03,947 ♪ with candy canes and silver lanes aglow ♪ 524 00:23:03,991 --> 00:23:05,514 ♪ 525 00:23:05,558 --> 00:23:08,299 - All doors, vents, and windows sealed. 526 00:23:08,343 --> 00:23:09,779 No fairy-dust getting in. 527 00:23:09,823 --> 00:23:10,998 You think this'll keep him out? 528 00:23:11,041 --> 00:23:13,827 - You're asking me how santa claus works? 529 00:23:13,870 --> 00:23:16,438 - Hey, I was wrong, Artie. This isn't santa claus. 530 00:23:16,482 --> 00:23:20,181 Santa's nice. This is...Larry claus. 531 00:23:20,224 --> 00:23:21,878 - No wonder he knows everything about you. 532 00:23:21,922 --> 00:23:23,358 He is you. 533 00:23:23,402 --> 00:23:24,707 - What does that even mean? 534 00:23:24,751 --> 00:23:26,230 - Artie, the last time he appeared, 535 00:23:26,274 --> 00:23:28,755 Our guy faded, but just for a second. 536 00:23:28,798 --> 00:23:30,321 - That's not good. - Oh, you think? 537 00:23:30,365 --> 00:23:33,499 - A duplicate shows up and the original starts to fade? 538 00:23:33,542 --> 00:23:35,196 It sounds to me like you're dealing 539 00:23:35,239 --> 00:23:38,199 With some kind of identity transference. 540 00:23:38,242 --> 00:23:41,332 And eventually, your guy might just-- 541 00:23:41,376 --> 00:23:42,725 - What? Disappear completely? 542 00:23:42,769 --> 00:23:43,944 - Okay, please slow down, okay? 543 00:23:43,987 --> 00:23:45,989 Just who the hell are you people, huh? 544 00:23:46,033 --> 00:23:47,687 - We're people who deal with this sort of thing. 545 00:23:47,730 --> 00:23:49,558 - And what sort of thing is this? 546 00:23:49,602 --> 00:23:52,387 - Look, larry noodle, you either start to trust us, 547 00:23:52,431 --> 00:23:55,869 Or christmas eve comes and goes, and you go with it. 548 00:23:55,912 --> 00:23:57,131 - All right, listen, listen. 549 00:23:57,174 --> 00:23:59,307 Just keep him sealed up till after midnight. 550 00:23:59,350 --> 00:24:00,830 - Got it. Kirk out. 551 00:24:04,660 --> 00:24:06,923 - [sighs] 552 00:24:09,839 --> 00:24:12,233 Oh! Where have you been? 553 00:24:12,276 --> 00:24:13,713 - Oh. You missed me! 554 00:24:13,756 --> 00:24:15,018 - I was worried. - Same thing. 555 00:24:15,062 --> 00:24:16,977 - No, it's not. There'd be paperwork. 556 00:24:17,020 --> 00:24:18,848 - I have a surprise for you. - Oh, I knew it! 557 00:24:18,892 --> 00:24:20,459 Why can't you and your christmas gremlins 558 00:24:20,502 --> 00:24:21,416 Leave me alone? 559 00:24:21,460 --> 00:24:22,635 - Come on! 560 00:24:27,030 --> 00:24:30,207 - Dad? 561 00:24:30,251 --> 00:24:32,949 - I thought you'd be thinner. 562 00:24:36,736 --> 00:24:39,913 - Would you, um, give us a minute? 563 00:24:39,956 --> 00:24:42,872 - Well, it's been 30 years. What's another minute? 564 00:24:42,916 --> 00:24:46,572 - Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! 565 00:24:46,615 --> 00:24:48,051 Ow! You're pinching! Ow! 566 00:24:48,095 --> 00:24:50,358 - What have you done? And what gives you the right? 567 00:24:50,401 --> 00:24:51,925 - I thought you wanted to see him. 568 00:24:51,968 --> 00:24:53,056 You wrote him that song. 569 00:24:53,100 --> 00:24:55,711 - Song--noct-- the piano nocturne? 570 00:24:55,755 --> 00:24:59,802 I would have contacted him in my own time! 571 00:24:59,846 --> 00:25:00,977 - He's even older than you are. 572 00:25:01,021 --> 00:25:02,109 How much time you think you have? 573 00:25:02,152 --> 00:25:03,327 - You know what you're gonna do-- 574 00:25:03,371 --> 00:25:04,807 You're gonna undo whatever it is you did. 575 00:25:04,851 --> 00:25:08,158 - Artie, he's dying. - Holy mother of god. 576 00:25:08,202 --> 00:25:11,031 - Joshua knows too. 577 00:25:11,074 --> 00:25:14,382 He's--he's dying, and he wants to make things right. 578 00:25:14,425 --> 00:25:17,037 He doesn't wanna take this guilt to his grave, 579 00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:18,778 That he pushed you away. 580 00:25:18,821 --> 00:25:21,824 Go in there and talk to him. 581 00:25:25,959 --> 00:25:29,658 [piano notes ring] 582 00:25:39,015 --> 00:25:41,409 - Dad? 583 00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:47,850 It's--it's good to see you. 584 00:25:49,939 --> 00:25:52,551 - We--we brought "glucky." 585 00:25:52,594 --> 00:25:56,337 - I-I see. Thank--thanks. 586 00:25:57,686 --> 00:26:01,124 - Heh. You little pisher. 587 00:26:05,607 --> 00:26:07,566 Ah! 588 00:26:16,792 --> 00:26:22,755 - ♪ christmas time is here again thank heaven ♪ 589 00:26:22,798 --> 00:26:24,844 ♪ time for fa-la-las and deck the halls ♪ 590 00:26:24,887 --> 00:26:27,977 - California christmas. Yech. 591 00:26:28,021 --> 00:26:31,633 - And then there's this guy. 592 00:26:31,677 --> 00:26:34,375 You know, I think about my dad. 593 00:26:34,418 --> 00:26:35,768 If he'd had the chance, he'd have been there 594 00:26:35,811 --> 00:26:39,249 For every birthday, every christmas, 595 00:26:39,293 --> 00:26:41,774 Every morning I woke up. 596 00:26:41,817 --> 00:26:46,430 This guy, he has no idea what he has. 597 00:26:46,474 --> 00:26:48,911 - My dad was a lot like him. 598 00:26:48,955 --> 00:26:51,087 He was busy. Never home. 599 00:26:51,131 --> 00:26:55,004 Funny thing is, now that we have a good relationship, 600 00:26:55,048 --> 00:26:58,007 I'm the one that's too busy. 601 00:26:58,051 --> 00:27:00,967 - cat's in the cradle, huh? 602 00:27:01,010 --> 00:27:03,012 [knock on door] 603 00:27:12,239 --> 00:27:13,980 - Hey, how are you doing? 604 00:27:14,023 --> 00:27:15,634 - Hi. - Is he here? Where is he? 605 00:27:15,677 --> 00:27:17,070 - What--what-- what are you doing here? 606 00:27:17,113 --> 00:27:18,158 - You called me! 607 00:27:18,201 --> 00:27:19,463 Who knew you had a sense of humor? 608 00:27:19,507 --> 00:27:20,813 - Newley, get back in the safe room. 609 00:27:20,856 --> 00:27:22,597 - What--what are you--? - I got the letter. 610 00:27:22,641 --> 00:27:23,772 You called off the demolition. 611 00:27:23,816 --> 00:27:25,687 I came as soon as I could. - I did what? 612 00:27:25,731 --> 00:27:27,210 What letter? This is--oh, my god. 613 00:27:27,254 --> 00:27:29,038 That is my signature. He's signing my name now. 614 00:27:29,082 --> 00:27:31,040 - What are you talking about? Who's signing your name? 615 00:27:31,084 --> 00:27:33,042 What, are you trying to back off on this? 616 00:27:33,086 --> 00:27:34,391 - No, I'm not trying to back out of anything. 617 00:27:34,435 --> 00:27:35,871 I mean, well, yes, I am trying to back out. 618 00:27:35,915 --> 00:27:38,787 This is a forgery. I never sent this letter. 619 00:27:38,831 --> 00:27:42,008 Okay, wilkie? It's time for you to go home now, please. 620 00:27:42,051 --> 00:27:45,664 Okay, now, you better just go home 621 00:27:45,707 --> 00:27:46,665 Before things just get really-- 622 00:27:46,708 --> 00:27:48,057 - Newley, look out! 623 00:27:54,150 --> 00:27:56,370 - Ho ho ho! 624 00:27:56,413 --> 00:27:57,980 - What the hell was that? 625 00:27:58,024 --> 00:27:59,982 - That was-- - Twinkle and whoosh. 626 00:28:00,026 --> 00:28:01,201 - And kidnapping. 627 00:28:01,244 --> 00:28:05,596 - Help me! 628 00:28:09,775 --> 00:28:11,428 - He'd come down the stairs. 629 00:28:11,472 --> 00:28:13,909 - What about-- what about cousin sylvia? 630 00:28:13,953 --> 00:28:14,954 - Even she found a man. 631 00:28:14,997 --> 00:28:15,955 - No! - Yeah. 632 00:28:15,998 --> 00:28:17,304 - With that voice? 633 00:28:17,347 --> 00:28:19,045 - Oh, he can't hear anything over middle c, 634 00:28:19,088 --> 00:28:20,350 So I guess it works. 635 00:28:20,394 --> 00:28:21,743 [laughter] 636 00:28:21,787 --> 00:28:22,788 - Oh, my god. - Yeah. 637 00:28:22,831 --> 00:28:24,224 - Well, a lid for every pot, huh? 638 00:28:28,707 --> 00:28:30,709 Dad... 639 00:28:33,276 --> 00:28:35,757 I'm really sorry that we lost so much time. 640 00:28:35,801 --> 00:28:37,759 - I know. It's a shame. 641 00:28:37,803 --> 00:28:39,630 And now, with so little left. 642 00:28:39,674 --> 00:28:42,372 - I know. Life, huh? 643 00:28:42,416 --> 00:28:45,332 - God's mysterious ways. - Yeah. 644 00:28:45,375 --> 00:28:49,336 - You know, I never heard. 645 00:28:49,379 --> 00:28:51,991 What is it? - What is what? 646 00:28:52,034 --> 00:28:55,516 - The annoying girl, I never asked her 647 00:28:55,559 --> 00:28:57,213 What you're dying of. 648 00:28:57,257 --> 00:29:01,827 - Me? She told me that you were dying. 649 00:29:01,870 --> 00:29:04,438 - Hey! You know what I'd like to hear? 650 00:29:04,481 --> 00:29:05,656 The two of you play piano together. 651 00:29:05,700 --> 00:29:06,657 Huh? Artie? Izzy? 652 00:29:06,701 --> 00:29:07,746 How much fun would that be? 653 00:29:07,789 --> 00:29:08,790 - You're not dying? 654 00:29:08,834 --> 00:29:10,792 - Well, don't sound so disappointed. 655 00:29:10,836 --> 00:29:11,793 - You disappeared from the face of the earth! 656 00:29:11,837 --> 00:29:13,012 - After you disowned me! 657 00:29:13,055 --> 00:29:14,796 - You spit on us! 658 00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:16,711 Your mother and me, we worked two jobs 659 00:29:16,755 --> 00:29:18,060 To send you to juilliard, 660 00:29:18,104 --> 00:29:19,061 And you threw it all away to work for what? 661 00:29:19,105 --> 00:29:20,323 Those fascists! 662 00:29:20,367 --> 00:29:21,368 - It's the u.S. Government I work for! 663 00:29:21,411 --> 00:29:22,369 They're not fascists! 664 00:29:22,412 --> 00:29:23,544 - Oh, no? - No! 665 00:29:23,587 --> 00:29:24,632 - Ever hear of mccarthy? - Oh, please. 666 00:29:24,675 --> 00:29:25,807 - I couldn't work for years 667 00:29:25,851 --> 00:29:27,200 Because I had family in, what, russia? 668 00:29:27,243 --> 00:29:28,636 - Don't tell me about the family in russia, dad. 669 00:29:28,679 --> 00:29:31,117 I know all about the family in russia. 670 00:29:31,160 --> 00:29:32,335 - You never had the sense of a dog in the street! 671 00:29:32,379 --> 00:29:34,468 - Oh, is that right? - Boys, boys, boys! 672 00:29:34,511 --> 00:29:35,643 Can--can we just-- 673 00:29:35,686 --> 00:29:36,862 - Haven't you caused enough trouble? 674 00:29:36,905 --> 00:29:38,124 - This is none of your business, girlie! 675 00:29:38,167 --> 00:29:39,690 - Don't point your guns at me. 676 00:29:39,734 --> 00:29:41,257 I'm just trying to make your lives better! 677 00:29:41,301 --> 00:29:42,650 - Who asked you to? You lied to me! 678 00:29:42,693 --> 00:29:43,651 - How could you say that we're dying? 679 00:29:43,694 --> 00:29:45,261 - Aren't we all dying, really? 680 00:29:45,305 --> 00:29:46,480 - Shame on you! You're a liar! 681 00:29:46,523 --> 00:29:47,394 - She has no respect at all! None, none! 682 00:29:47,437 --> 00:29:48,395 - A devil child. 683 00:29:48,438 --> 00:29:49,831 - You don't know the half of it. 684 00:29:49,875 --> 00:29:50,963 She never, never, never does as she's told. 685 00:29:51,006 --> 00:29:51,964 - No manners at all! 686 00:29:52,007 --> 00:29:52,965 You know who she reminds me of? 687 00:29:53,008 --> 00:29:54,227 - Who? - Trudie. 688 00:29:54,270 --> 00:29:55,228 - Exactly like trudie. The same--same girl. 689 00:29:55,271 --> 00:29:56,403 She always puts her nose 690 00:29:56,446 --> 00:29:57,708 Into everybody else's business. 691 00:29:57,752 --> 00:29:58,840 - Yeah, she thinks she knows everything, huh? 692 00:29:58,884 --> 00:29:59,754 - And that mouth on her. Yap-yap-yap-yap. 693 00:29:59,798 --> 00:30:00,711 - Yeah, yap-yap-yap-yap-yap. 694 00:30:00,755 --> 00:30:02,539 - God! - She not yours, is she? 695 00:30:02,583 --> 00:30:05,716 - No! God, no! No, no, no. 696 00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:07,414 She wasn't even born of man. 697 00:30:07,457 --> 00:30:09,546 She noodged her way into existence! 698 00:30:09,590 --> 00:30:12,767 - [laughs] that's very good. 699 00:30:12,811 --> 00:30:13,768 Noodged! 700 00:30:13,812 --> 00:30:14,900 [laughter] 701 00:30:14,943 --> 00:30:16,727 - You know, she reminds me of trudie. 702 00:30:16,771 --> 00:30:18,120 - That's what I said. - Yeah. 703 00:30:18,164 --> 00:30:19,774 Do you remember trudie's wedding? 704 00:30:19,818 --> 00:30:21,602 - Remember? I'm still hungry! 705 00:30:21,645 --> 00:30:24,605 - [laughs] 706 00:30:24,648 --> 00:30:26,781 - Okay, so larry santa 707 00:30:26,825 --> 00:30:28,827 Took larry noodle up to the sky. 708 00:30:28,870 --> 00:30:30,654 - Yeah, he said until midnight, 709 00:30:30,698 --> 00:30:33,048 So we have a-- have a few hours. 710 00:30:33,092 --> 00:30:34,876 - Right. So larry noodle's still alive, 711 00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:36,182 If we can find him. 712 00:30:36,225 --> 00:30:38,488 - What are you doing? 713 00:30:38,532 --> 00:30:40,490 - Well, he's not gonna finish it. 714 00:30:40,534 --> 00:30:42,841 - You will eat anything, won't you? 715 00:30:42,884 --> 00:30:46,453 Okay. So where would his santa double take him? 716 00:30:46,496 --> 00:30:48,672 I mean, some kind of hideout? 717 00:30:48,716 --> 00:30:50,849 - [snaps fingers] the north pole. 718 00:30:50,892 --> 00:30:52,241 - We hope not. 719 00:30:52,285 --> 00:30:56,767 All right, and santa newley came out of newley. 720 00:30:56,811 --> 00:31:01,816 Then where would the real newley consider home? 721 00:31:01,860 --> 00:31:04,863 - Lila's? Uh, lila and kallie. 722 00:31:04,906 --> 00:31:07,822 - And kallie collects ornaments. 723 00:31:07,866 --> 00:31:10,738 - Okay, so what are you thinking? 724 00:31:10,781 --> 00:31:13,784 - I think I've seen the artifact. 725 00:31:19,225 --> 00:31:21,923 - My dad got that for me. 726 00:31:21,967 --> 00:31:23,925 He knows I like antiques. 727 00:31:23,969 --> 00:31:27,102 - I think he ordered them from germany or someplace. 728 00:31:27,146 --> 00:31:29,626 - This picture of your ex-husband. 729 00:31:29,670 --> 00:31:33,152 - Yeah, larry used to dress up for the neighborhood kids 730 00:31:33,195 --> 00:31:34,457 As santa. 731 00:31:34,501 --> 00:31:35,937 Kallie loved it. 732 00:31:35,981 --> 00:31:37,330 They both did. 733 00:31:37,373 --> 00:31:38,897 - Myka, can I see that for a sec? 734 00:31:38,940 --> 00:31:40,333 - Sure. 735 00:31:43,118 --> 00:31:45,947 - You know, these are old shell casings. 736 00:31:45,991 --> 00:31:47,079 - Mm-hmm. 737 00:31:47,122 --> 00:31:50,909 - Yeah, well, uh... 738 00:31:50,952 --> 00:31:54,129 I might know what this is. 739 00:31:54,173 --> 00:31:58,133 Have you guys ever heard of the christmas ceasefire? 740 00:31:58,177 --> 00:32:00,570 - You mean, during world war I? 741 00:32:00,614 --> 00:32:02,224 - exactement! 742 00:32:02,268 --> 00:32:05,140 All right, well, when I was in the marine corps, 743 00:32:05,184 --> 00:32:06,228 I had a drill instructor. 744 00:32:06,272 --> 00:32:07,969 He loved telling this story. 745 00:32:08,013 --> 00:32:10,276 [clears throat] 746 00:32:10,319 --> 00:32:13,757 It was christmas eve, 1914. 747 00:32:13,801 --> 00:32:16,238 I'm not talking, like, l.A. Christmas. 748 00:32:16,282 --> 00:32:18,458 I'm talking, like, belgian christmas. 749 00:32:18,501 --> 00:32:20,721 I'm talking, like, icicles hanging off your nose 750 00:32:20,764 --> 00:32:22,810 And snow down your pants. 751 00:32:22,853 --> 00:32:26,118 And even though there was no formal truce, 752 00:32:26,161 --> 00:32:27,641 The german soldiers, 753 00:32:27,684 --> 00:32:29,991 They started lighting candles in the trenches 754 00:32:30,035 --> 00:32:32,776 And singing christmas carols. 755 00:32:32,820 --> 00:32:36,041 And then, in the distance, 756 00:32:36,084 --> 00:32:38,826 The british soldiers joined in. 757 00:32:38,869 --> 00:32:41,960 All of a sudden, these sworn enemies, 758 00:32:42,003 --> 00:32:44,832 Who were only seconds before fighting one other, 759 00:32:44,875 --> 00:32:50,707 Were meeting in no-man's land between the trenches. 760 00:32:52,013 --> 00:32:53,884 Exchanging gifts, 761 00:32:53,928 --> 00:32:57,540 Candy, souvenirs, 762 00:32:57,584 --> 00:33:02,502 And lots of improvised stuff. 763 00:33:02,545 --> 00:33:05,200 - If there was ever a moment 764 00:33:05,244 --> 00:33:07,768 That could infuse an object 765 00:33:07,811 --> 00:33:09,813 And turn it into an artifact-- 766 00:33:09,857 --> 00:33:11,641 - This would be one. 767 00:33:11,685 --> 00:33:13,948 So what do we do? Goo it and see what happens? 768 00:33:13,992 --> 00:33:15,819 - Not without eyes on newley. 769 00:33:15,863 --> 00:33:17,821 We wouldn't know which one survived. 770 00:33:17,865 --> 00:33:21,260 Kallie, why this picture? 771 00:33:21,303 --> 00:33:23,697 - Well, I love that picture. 772 00:33:23,740 --> 00:33:26,352 Dad was so much fun when he was santa. 773 00:33:26,395 --> 00:33:30,356 - So I guess you were wishing for things 774 00:33:30,399 --> 00:33:34,229 To be like they were when your dad was santa. 775 00:33:34,273 --> 00:33:37,754 - Mm, yeah, I guess. - It's okay. 776 00:33:37,798 --> 00:33:40,061 I used to make a lot of wishes like that 777 00:33:40,105 --> 00:33:41,889 When I was your age too. 778 00:33:41,932 --> 00:33:45,632 - That was the last christmas we spent all together. 779 00:33:45,675 --> 00:33:48,504 Before you guys, you know... 780 00:33:48,548 --> 00:33:52,334 - It was the year before he opened his first mall 781 00:33:52,378 --> 00:33:54,554 And his business really took off. 782 00:33:54,597 --> 00:33:55,598 - "what has more holiday spirit than a mall?" 783 00:33:55,642 --> 00:33:56,991 That's what he said. 784 00:33:57,035 --> 00:33:59,907 - That's where santa newley might consider home. 785 00:33:59,950 --> 00:34:01,517 We have to get to that mall. 786 00:34:01,561 --> 00:34:02,562 - Okay, guys. Don't worry. 787 00:34:02,605 --> 00:34:03,867 We'll call you in a little bit. 788 00:34:03,911 --> 00:34:05,739 We're gonna take the, uh-- we're--the--this. 789 00:34:05,782 --> 00:34:08,220 We're taking this with us. - Okay. Bye. 790 00:34:08,263 --> 00:34:11,745 - And just a cookie. 791 00:34:11,788 --> 00:34:14,661 Cookie! Okay. All right, bye. 792 00:34:14,704 --> 00:34:16,706 [electrical buzz] 793 00:34:22,712 --> 00:34:24,758 - Aah! 794 00:34:24,801 --> 00:34:26,455 Aah! 795 00:34:26,499 --> 00:34:28,109 - Look, larry, your shopping mall! 796 00:34:28,153 --> 00:34:31,243 - Thanks. What do you want with me? 797 00:34:31,286 --> 00:34:32,809 - I've given you lots of chances 798 00:34:32,853 --> 00:34:34,985 To be a better larry, larry. 799 00:34:35,029 --> 00:34:37,031 And you've blown every one. 800 00:34:37,075 --> 00:34:39,903 I'm the man they need, not you! 801 00:34:39,947 --> 00:34:42,515 You never keep my promises! 802 00:34:42,558 --> 00:34:43,907 [laughs] 803 00:34:43,951 --> 00:34:47,607 - You--you promised that I'd help trim the tree. 804 00:34:47,650 --> 00:34:50,262 - Would that have been so hard? 805 00:34:50,305 --> 00:34:52,133 - And you sent that letter to wilkie. 806 00:34:52,177 --> 00:34:53,874 - So you could do the right thing. 807 00:34:53,917 --> 00:34:55,615 But you never do! 808 00:34:55,658 --> 00:34:58,661 People deserve better from you, larry. 809 00:34:58,705 --> 00:35:02,796 Kallie deserves a father who is there. 810 00:35:02,839 --> 00:35:07,844 Now she's going to get one. 811 00:35:10,238 --> 00:35:11,631 - Aah! 812 00:35:11,674 --> 00:35:13,546 What are you doing with-- what is this? 813 00:35:13,589 --> 00:35:15,722 - In a few minutes, you will be gone 814 00:35:15,765 --> 00:35:20,030 And then I'll be real. 815 00:35:20,074 --> 00:35:22,903 - No! No! 816 00:35:22,946 --> 00:35:25,340 - [laughs] 817 00:35:25,384 --> 00:35:28,604 Good-bye, larry noodle! Good-bye! 818 00:35:28,648 --> 00:35:30,650 [laughs] 819 00:35:30,693 --> 00:35:33,696 - You gotta admit, the guy's got christmas spirit. 820 00:35:33,740 --> 00:35:36,221 - Come on. 821 00:35:36,264 --> 00:35:38,527 - Help! He's making me disappear! 822 00:35:38,571 --> 00:35:40,790 - Okay, so we know the tesla won't work. 823 00:35:40,834 --> 00:35:42,096 - The last time newley faded, 824 00:35:42,140 --> 00:35:43,793 I touched his arm and he came back. 825 00:35:43,837 --> 00:35:45,578 - So human contact stops the process. 826 00:35:45,621 --> 00:35:47,449 You--you grab newley. I'll bag the ornament. 827 00:35:47,493 --> 00:35:48,711 - Okay. 828 00:35:59,940 --> 00:36:03,596 - Oh, look, santa's little army. 829 00:36:03,639 --> 00:36:04,988 Aren't they cute? 830 00:36:05,032 --> 00:36:06,555 [groans] 831 00:36:06,599 --> 00:36:08,688 Right. Nutcracker. 832 00:36:08,731 --> 00:36:09,689 [thud] 833 00:36:09,732 --> 00:36:12,039 - Pete? Pete! Okay, wait! 834 00:36:12,082 --> 00:36:13,040 [gunshot] 835 00:36:13,083 --> 00:36:15,042 [shattering glass] 836 00:36:15,085 --> 00:36:16,043 [cocks rifle] 837 00:36:16,086 --> 00:36:18,524 - Okay, hold your fire. 838 00:36:18,567 --> 00:36:21,701 Newley, brace yourself. 839 00:36:22,963 --> 00:36:23,920 [electric buzz] 840 00:36:23,964 --> 00:36:25,313 - Gaah! 841 00:36:25,357 --> 00:36:28,316 - [laughs] 842 00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:29,317 - Nothing. 843 00:36:29,361 --> 00:36:30,362 - What was that? 844 00:36:30,405 --> 00:36:33,713 - That was plan "a" not working. 845 00:36:33,756 --> 00:36:35,193 [groans] 846 00:36:35,236 --> 00:36:36,890 - That was the ornament you sent kallie. 847 00:36:36,933 --> 00:36:39,936 She wished this--this santa into being. 848 00:36:39,980 --> 00:36:42,417 - Kallie wished for me to replace him. 849 00:36:42,461 --> 00:36:44,811 - No, no, she wished for the dad that she knew 850 00:36:44,854 --> 00:36:47,553 Before you became all about work and money. 851 00:36:47,596 --> 00:36:50,120 - I did it for her! She doesn't understand! 852 00:36:50,164 --> 00:36:51,383 - She's just a little girl! 853 00:36:51,426 --> 00:36:53,776 All she knows is that you are not there. 854 00:36:53,820 --> 00:36:55,300 - There just isn't enough time. 855 00:36:55,343 --> 00:36:57,737 - Well, you should have made the time! 856 00:36:57,780 --> 00:36:59,695 The world will be a better place with me 857 00:36:59,739 --> 00:37:02,220 Instead of you, larry! 858 00:37:02,263 --> 00:37:04,483 Kallie will have a better father! 859 00:37:04,526 --> 00:37:07,094 - No! 860 00:37:11,316 --> 00:37:12,708 - Leave my dad alone! 861 00:37:12,752 --> 00:37:13,840 - Kallie! 862 00:37:15,842 --> 00:37:17,104 - How did she do that? 863 00:37:17,147 --> 00:37:19,759 - She's a kid. It's christmas. 864 00:37:19,802 --> 00:37:22,240 - He'll never change, kallie. 865 00:37:22,283 --> 00:37:24,024 He'll never make the time for you. 866 00:37:24,067 --> 00:37:25,417 - I don't care! 867 00:37:25,460 --> 00:37:27,027 I want him no matter how he is! 868 00:37:27,070 --> 00:37:28,768 Even if he never comes over! 869 00:37:28,811 --> 00:37:30,900 Don't you hurt him! 870 00:37:30,944 --> 00:37:32,075 - Please, you've got to give me one more chance. 871 00:37:32,119 --> 00:37:33,816 Please! - Stop it! 872 00:37:33,860 --> 00:37:36,341 This is my fault! - Oh, kallie, honey. 873 00:37:36,384 --> 00:37:38,256 It's not your fault. I did this. 874 00:37:38,299 --> 00:37:39,648 I did this to myself. To us. 875 00:37:39,692 --> 00:37:40,867 It's my fault! 876 00:37:40,910 --> 00:37:42,260 I never meant this to happen. 877 00:37:42,303 --> 00:37:43,696 It's just that I-- 878 00:37:43,739 --> 00:37:47,700 Aw, hell, what good is money if I'm never there, huh? 879 00:37:47,743 --> 00:37:49,832 You keep growing up, 880 00:37:49,876 --> 00:37:52,313 And if I'm not part of your life, 881 00:37:52,357 --> 00:37:54,315 If I'm just the guy who pays the bills, 882 00:37:54,359 --> 00:37:55,577 Who jokes with you online, 883 00:37:55,621 --> 00:38:00,495 Then I might as well just f-f-fade away. 884 00:38:00,539 --> 00:38:04,020 I don't want to fade away. 885 00:38:04,064 --> 00:38:06,893 I want to be there for you. 886 00:38:06,936 --> 00:38:10,853 I want to be the dad you remember. 887 00:38:10,897 --> 00:38:12,725 More than anything. 888 00:38:14,727 --> 00:38:17,730 - Now, kallie! Your dad needs a hug! 889 00:38:17,773 --> 00:38:19,645 - Daddy! - [groans] 890 00:38:19,688 --> 00:38:20,820 - Daddy! 891 00:38:20,863 --> 00:38:25,041 - ♪ I don't want a lot for christmas ♪ 892 00:38:25,085 --> 00:38:28,741 ♪ there is just one thing I need ♪ 893 00:38:28,784 --> 00:38:31,744 ♪ all I want for christmas ♪ 894 00:38:31,787 --> 00:38:35,313 - Oh, sweetie. 895 00:38:35,356 --> 00:38:39,621 - ♪ is 896 00:38:39,665 --> 00:38:40,492 ♪ you 897 00:38:40,535 --> 00:38:42,450 - Come on, Myka! 898 00:38:42,494 --> 00:38:44,017 What'd ya get me, what'd ya get me, what'd ya get me? 899 00:38:44,060 --> 00:38:45,714 - No, no, and no. 900 00:38:45,758 --> 00:38:49,109 We are not opening our gifts until after dinner! 901 00:38:49,152 --> 00:38:50,502 - But I told you what I got you! 902 00:38:50,545 --> 00:38:52,852 - I know. Why would you do that? 903 00:38:52,895 --> 00:38:55,071 - Do you like it? Do you like it? Do you like it? 904 00:38:55,115 --> 00:38:57,422 - [groans] 905 00:38:57,465 --> 00:38:59,249 [door slams] 906 00:38:59,293 --> 00:39:01,164 I'm wearing your coat. 907 00:39:01,208 --> 00:39:03,210 - Captain nemo! 908 00:39:03,253 --> 00:39:04,385 - I'm freezing. 909 00:39:04,429 --> 00:39:06,692 - You are supposed to button it. 910 00:39:06,735 --> 00:39:08,737 - Oh. 911 00:39:12,437 --> 00:39:14,743 I thought the buttons were decorative. 912 00:39:14,787 --> 00:39:16,528 - Yeah, well, on you, all buttons are decorative. 913 00:39:16,571 --> 00:39:17,659 - Okay, you know what? 914 00:39:17,703 --> 00:39:19,748 - No, no, no, you're right, as always. 915 00:39:19,792 --> 00:39:22,969 I will buy you some long johns to wear under. 916 00:39:23,012 --> 00:39:24,536 - [laughs] - I smell turkey. 917 00:39:24,579 --> 00:39:27,582 - [gasps] my turkey. My turkey! 918 00:39:27,626 --> 00:39:29,410 - Son. - Dad. 919 00:39:29,454 --> 00:39:31,412 - Yeah? - Listen. 920 00:39:31,456 --> 00:39:34,284 I just-- I want you to know, 921 00:39:34,328 --> 00:39:36,591 The work that I did and, you know, I'm still doing, 922 00:39:36,635 --> 00:39:37,810 It's good work, dad, 923 00:39:37,853 --> 00:39:38,941 And there's a lot of people better off-- 924 00:39:38,985 --> 00:39:40,290 - Arthur, arthur! 925 00:39:40,334 --> 00:39:43,468 You told me it was necessary. I believe you. 926 00:39:43,511 --> 00:39:45,470 - Good, because when we started this-- 927 00:39:45,513 --> 00:39:47,776 - Arthur, enough. You're already getting an "a." 928 00:39:47,820 --> 00:39:49,735 You want to work yourself down to a "b"? 929 00:39:49,778 --> 00:39:50,866 - All right. 930 00:39:50,910 --> 00:39:53,695 - You see, 931 00:39:53,739 --> 00:39:58,134 It was when you walked away from music, 932 00:39:58,178 --> 00:39:59,571 That was hard. 933 00:39:59,614 --> 00:40:01,834 - No, I didn't walk-- 934 00:40:01,877 --> 00:40:05,533 Walk away from music. 935 00:40:05,577 --> 00:40:07,579 I brought this to-- remember? 936 00:40:07,622 --> 00:40:09,755 - [gasps] yeah. 937 00:40:09,798 --> 00:40:12,845 - Look at the back. 938 00:40:12,888 --> 00:40:15,064 See, I-- - Finished it. 939 00:40:15,108 --> 00:40:16,718 - Yeah. 940 00:40:16,762 --> 00:40:17,937 - Well, now. 941 00:40:17,980 --> 00:40:19,460 Now you must play it. 942 00:40:19,504 --> 00:40:21,244 - No, no, no, not now. Now? 943 00:40:21,288 --> 00:40:22,463 - Well, when else? 944 00:40:22,507 --> 00:40:24,596 You want to wait another 30 years? 945 00:40:24,639 --> 00:40:25,814 - All right, all right. 946 00:40:25,858 --> 00:40:26,859 Now, you've got to remember, 947 00:40:26,902 --> 00:40:28,469 It's a work in progress, so-- 948 00:40:28,513 --> 00:40:30,732 - Yes, it's always a work in progress. 949 00:40:30,776 --> 00:40:33,082 Progress is what it's all made of. 950 00:40:33,126 --> 00:40:35,128 - All right. 951 00:40:38,218 --> 00:40:41,221 [playing music] 952 00:40:54,582 --> 00:40:56,889 - Your fingering, it's still a nightmare. 953 00:40:56,932 --> 00:40:59,239 - Dad, dad, I wrote this! 954 00:40:59,282 --> 00:41:01,197 - Yeah. Shakespeare wrote plays. 955 00:41:01,241 --> 00:41:02,547 It doesn't mean he could act. 956 00:41:02,590 --> 00:41:04,505 - You're ruining a perfect moment. 957 00:41:04,549 --> 00:41:07,029 - I know, but you're ruining a perfectly good piece of music. 958 00:41:07,073 --> 00:41:08,814 Here, let me fix the hands. 959 00:41:08,857 --> 00:41:09,945 - There's nothing wrong. 960 00:41:09,989 --> 00:41:11,381 - Here, like that. 961 00:41:11,425 --> 00:41:13,209 - No, dad, move your hand away. 962 00:41:13,253 --> 00:41:16,125 - Eh-eh-eh! [mutters] 963 00:41:16,169 --> 00:41:17,344 - Mmm! Mmm! 964 00:41:17,387 --> 00:41:19,477 - Do not eat the stuffing out of the bowl! 965 00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:20,608 - Why not? It's delicious! 966 00:41:20,652 --> 00:41:22,610 - I don't want your cooties! 967 00:41:22,654 --> 00:41:24,830 Oh, hey, are you guys doing presents? 968 00:41:24,873 --> 00:41:26,745 - Not until after dinner, remember? 969 00:41:26,788 --> 00:41:28,529 - I know I'm supposed to wait, but-- 970 00:41:28,573 --> 00:41:30,400 - Claudia had one made for each of us. 971 00:41:30,444 --> 00:41:31,489 Check it out. - Merry christmas! 972 00:41:31,532 --> 00:41:33,708 - Oh, my god! I love it! 973 00:41:33,752 --> 00:41:35,841 - Oh, wow! - Oh! I love it! 974 00:41:35,884 --> 00:41:38,757 - It's the artifact that almost killed each of us. 975 00:41:38,800 --> 00:41:40,672 How...Thoughtful? 976 00:41:40,715 --> 00:41:42,064 - Just shut up and say thank you. 977 00:41:42,108 --> 00:41:43,718 - Oh, thank you, thank you. 978 00:41:43,762 --> 00:41:45,372 [air kisses] 979 00:41:45,415 --> 00:41:46,982 - This one here. - Yep, this one's Artie's. 980 00:41:47,026 --> 00:41:48,418 - And this one is Leena's. 981 00:41:48,462 --> 00:41:49,550 - Oh, look, the pearl of wisdom. 982 00:41:49,594 --> 00:41:52,727 - Hello, hello, a little help, please? 983 00:41:52,771 --> 00:41:54,033 - I got it. 984 00:41:54,076 --> 00:41:56,644 - Artie, izzy, soup's on! 985 00:42:00,822 --> 00:42:02,258 - You know, I'm sorry 986 00:42:02,302 --> 00:42:03,695 That you didn't get to spend christmas 987 00:42:03,738 --> 00:42:04,565 With your family. 988 00:42:04,609 --> 00:42:07,220 - Well, thanks. You too. 989 00:42:07,263 --> 00:42:08,874 But you know, after watching newley, 990 00:42:08,917 --> 00:42:11,180 I realized I was already with someone 991 00:42:11,224 --> 00:42:14,401 That I cared about, and that's what matters, right? 992 00:42:15,750 --> 00:42:18,231 - Don't you get all mushy and sweet. 993 00:42:18,274 --> 00:42:20,189 - Oh, all right. 994 00:42:20,233 --> 00:42:23,192 Ophelia tetons. Bam! All right! 995 00:42:23,236 --> 00:42:26,413 Let's get this party started, shall we? 996 00:42:26,456 --> 00:42:27,545 Hello. 997 00:42:27,588 --> 00:42:28,894 All right, who wants white meat 998 00:42:28,937 --> 00:42:30,460 And who wants dark meat? - Dark, please. 999 00:42:30,504 --> 00:42:33,289 - I want white, please. - You want white? 1000 00:42:33,333 --> 00:42:36,423 - Somebody's supposed to say some words before our-- 1001 00:42:36,466 --> 00:42:37,555 - Are you talking about grace? 1002 00:42:37,598 --> 00:42:38,643 We call it grace. - Yes, grace. 1003 00:42:38,686 --> 00:42:40,558 - Yes, grace. Maybe the annoying-- 1004 00:42:40,601 --> 00:42:41,689 The annoying gentile, why don't you-- 1005 00:42:41,733 --> 00:42:43,604 [laughter] 1006 00:42:43,648 --> 00:42:45,258 - Fine, you want to join hands? 1007 00:42:45,301 --> 00:42:47,826 - No. - Very well. 1008 00:42:47,869 --> 00:42:49,697 baruch atah adonai eloheinu melech-- 1009 00:42:49,741 --> 00:42:52,526 - Ah! - Oh! 1010 00:42:52,570 --> 00:42:54,659 - But--but she's doing it wrong. 1011 00:42:54,702 --> 00:42:55,616 - No, I'm not. 1012 00:42:55,660 --> 00:42:59,489 [overlapping chatter] 1013 00:42:59,533 --> 00:43:01,491 - Tell her. You can't say adonai-- 1014 00:43:01,535 --> 00:43:04,059 [overlapping chatter] 1015 00:43:04,103 --> 00:43:06,322 [cheering] 1016 00:43:10,196 --> 00:43:13,199 Captioning bycaptionmax www.Captionmax.Com